Kafuffle
by slam a revolving door
Summary: [Oneshot]'Ay, don’t look at me'The painting of Shannon Howl – Famous Healer protested.'S’not my fault that yer wife was stupid e’ough to have yer as a ‘usband' Join the Marauders as they await the birth of Harry J. Potter.


**D: I do not own HP  
**

**Kafuffle **

James paced anxiously outside the hospital ward; occasionally sending exasperated glares at Sirius, who was sprawled out on the seat doing the crossword.

"Hey Prongs, what's a five letter word for kid?" Sirius blurted out, interrupting James' nervous pacing.

"Child." The latter replied brusquely, glaring at the picture on the wall.

"Ay, don't look at me!" The painting of _Shannon Howl – Famous Healer _protested. "S'not my fault that yer wife was stupid e'ough to have yer as a 'usband!"

James advanced towards the painting with a menacing look on his taut face. Sirius took one look at his friend's expression and called to the painting.

"SCAT!"

Shannon Howl looked at James' expression and decided that he fully agreed with Sirius' advice. James stopped short as the figure disappeared. Apparently he had another painting elsewhere.

"Why did you tell him to scat!" James turned on Sirius angrily. "I would have beaten his little smarmy face in!"

"Are we talking about beating a portrait up?" A new voice called from the doorway. Sirius turned from where he was cowering to face Lupin.

"Yes we are!" He called out, grinning up at a livid (albeit embarrassed) James. Lupin looked at the two and rolled his eyes.

"And therein lies a problem." Lupin commented dryly. "It's a _portrait _James. A _portrait _on a _wall_. It's going to hurt you much more that it's going to hurt it… in fact, _it's not going to hurt it at all!_"

James sent death stares all around and turned back to his pacing.

"I take it Lily hasn't come out yet?" Lupin asked Sirius.

"Obviously not. For someone so smart, you're surprisingly … dumb … at times." Sirius sniped at Lupin.

"And your three-year-old vocabulary never ceases to amaze me." Lupin shot back. Turning away from Sirius, he looked around. "Peter isn't here, is he?"

Ignoring Sirius' mutter of 'yet another case of stating the obvious', James shook his head, looking somewhat confused.

"I haven't seen him around in ages…"

"Neither have I." Lupin shrugged. "But don't worry, he'll show up."

"Yeah." James seemed to have nothing more to say.

"Hey, why are we talking about Peter? Let's talk about you!" Sirius bounced up, a mock-cheerful grin and a fake Quidditch commentator's manner firmly in place. "How do you feel about being a father, James? Are you ready for it?"

Lupin rolled his eyes, and waved his hand in the air vaguely as James looked to him with a 'what is he _on_?' expression on his face. James took this to mean to play along.

"I'm much more ready for it than you'll ever be. I'm fine … I can deal with a kid, I just can't deal with this waiting!" He grumbled at Sirius.

"At the moment, you're in pieces, but when the baby comes out, you'll be fine, just like that?"

James nodded, turning away. Sensing that the game was over, Sirius sat back down.

"What's a six letter baby's toy?" He asked.

Lupin considered for 0.234 of a second, then answered. "A rattle."

"What magazine _are _you reading, Sirius?" James faced his friend.

"Why do you ask?" Sirius shot back defensively. James eyed his friend suspiciously, then replied.

"Because … child … rattle … nappy … and milk … have _all_ … been in your crossword?"

Sirius looked mutinous, and lifted his chin to answer.

"Nothing of your concern." He replied haughtily. The effect was ruined somewhat, by his high-pitched, girlish squeal a few moments later when Lupin snatched the magazine out of his grasp.

"Witch Weekly, maternity section!" Lupin proclaimed triumphantly, standing on a chair and holding it out of Sirius' reach. James gave a hoot of laughter, all nerves gone and called up to Lupin.

"Read it out!"

"Never!" Sirius bellowed, reaching up and snatching the magazine out of Lupin's hands. James burst into laughter as Lupin chased Sirius around trying to get the magazine back off him. Sirius promptly placed the magazine on his seat and sat on it. Lupin let out a howl of disgust and backed away.

"Ew, I'm not touching that now!" He exclaimed, backing away, a look of intense revulsion on his face.

"Haha, it's MINE!" Sirius announced childishly. 'ALL MINE!"

"I don't want it!" James sulked in his corner. "It's got Sirius germs on it!"

Lupin laughed, but had instantly reverted back out of childishness.

"Come on, don't be silly… you're about to be a father, James." He reprimanded primly, apparently unaware of the fact that he had been acting like them a few minutes earlier.

James and Sirius were facing Lupin.

"Aw, you're not fun…" James whined. "I want to be immature and in seventh year again."

"Don't worry," assured Lupin patronizingly. "You'll always be immature and in seventh year to me."

A cough sounded from behind them and Sirius and James whirled around, cheeks flaming red. Behind them, Lupin wore a devilishly smug grin on his face.

The nurse stood there with a baby in her arms and a bemused expression on her face. She looked at Lupin.

"Are you James Potter?" She asked, a slight plea in her voice.

"No," Lupin grinned. "That's him." He pointed to James, whose eyes were growing wider and wider by the moment. The nurse gave Lupin one last pleading look, then turned to James.

"Your son, Mr. Potter." She placed the baby in James arms and James …

Fainted clean away.

**A/N: Please review and I'll send you virtual … - ponders - … ice cream. **


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